


Ask box meme (Dan & Phil Edition)

by wharien



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Comedy, Domestic Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:23:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3264812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wharien/pseuds/wharien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil have a random interview about their domestic life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ask box meme (Dan & Phil Edition)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a fun idea I had when seeing all the ask box memes. As you can tell, this will be very dialogue-heavy, so I hope I portrayed their personalities accurately enough!
> 
> This takes place under the notion that the fictional "Dan and Phil" in this work have given their consent and affirmed their comfortableness with the questions asked (not actual Dan and Phil). It's up to the reader to decide if our fictional Dan and Phil are in a relationship in this particular work. All answers are just MY IMAGINATION, and are not to be taken as facts. And just generally don't take this too seriously.

_The interviewer walks in, hand holding a laptop and a recorder. Dan and Phil invite them to have a seat while Phil prepares tea and Dan a glass of water. The interviewer sips some tea and starts._

INTERVIEWER: Thank you for having me with you guys today. And thank you for accepting my request, too! I was worried because the questions can be somewhat invasive.

DAN: Oh, it's no big deal. Phil and I are interested in knowing if we're really living peacefully together, anyway. Who knows, maybe we'll find out that Phil works so much harder than me to keep this house presentable that I have to pay him. [laughs]

PHIL: I _do_ try to keep everything presentable!

DAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

INTERVIEWER: [laughs] Alright, with no further delay, let's get to our first question! [Dan claps as he sits straight up.] Simple one, who swears more?

PHIL: Definitely Dan.

DAN: Definitely me. It doesn't mean Phil doesn't swear, though. Don't forget that.

PHIL: Everyone swears in some way or another, Dan. Don't try to make yourself less guilty.

DAN: [laughs] Look at yourself, self-justifying your action. Phil Lester, everybody.

INTERVIEWER: So it's Dan, then. Next question, who does the laundry and other chores in general?

DAN: We do our own laundry. [looks at Phil] And clean our own rooms, too. For other chores we mostly do them together anyway. [Phil nods.]

INTERVIEWER: Oh, nice. So you guys don't have to worry about who does more than the other, do you?

PHIL: Not at all. We don’t pay much attention to it, either. [looks at Dan, then back at interviewer.]

INTERVIEWER: Very nice. And do you have nicknames for each other?

DAN: I used to have a nickname, Bear, but no one uses it anymore.

PHIL: Yeah, we just call each other's name now.

INTERVIEWER: Do you sleep together?

DAN: Not really, since my sleeping schedule is always messed up, but we try to have breakfast together so that we can watch anime in the morning.

PHIL: Yeah, I usually go to bed a little earlier before Dan does. Sometimes if we have too many friends over they'll sleep in my and Dan's rooms while we somehow manage to sleep on the sofa bed in the office. That doesn't happen very often, though, considering most of our friends live in London anyway.

INTERVIEWER: When you sleep together, who is more likely to steal the covers at night?

PHIL: [looks at Dan]

DAN: [looks at Phil]

PHIL: Do you ever do that?

DAN: I… don't know. [thinks]

PHIL: [turns to interviewer] I guess not. However, sometimes Dan has troubles falling asleep and he keeps tossing and turning on the sofa, so that's a bit inconvenient. Otherwise I don't think he does anything in his sleep that annoys me too much.

DAN: [long pause] Right.

INTERVIEWER: [smiles] We all know you occasionally visit your parents, so when only one of you does, what will the other do?

PHIL: I'll follow my usual daily routine, to be honest. It does feel a little out of place, though, not having someone to eat with in the lounge, and I'd miss the piano from Dan's room, too. But overall it's not terribly lonely.

DAN: It's the complete opposite for me, tbh. [laughs] This apartment is comfy for two people, but very overwhelming for one, especially for someone who's terrified of the dark like me. Every single room is always lit in the evening as long as I'm still awake, but sometimes I forget and stay in the lounge for the entire afternoon and when it's time to get dinner I'm just faced with a black hallway of uncanny invisible creatures and ultimate death. Sometimes my fear gets very extreme, like when I go to turn the light in the bathroom off before bed. I have to put a candle on every six or seven steps of stairs. Even when I'm collecting the candles I try to stay as close to the wall as I can and am constantly staring back at the bathroom. It's horrible. [laughs]

PHIL: Yeah, and sometimes he calls me at 3 a.m. to distract himself as he approaches the "bathroom of doom." [laughs]

DAN: In conclusion: don't leave me in a dark house at night because I will freak out. [shakes head and sighs] But otherwise, I'm perfectly ok in the morning and afternoon. It's just the darkness that's unnerving to me.

INTERVIEWER: I can see why both of you often travel on the same day despite not heading to the same destination now. [laughs] And Phil's little narration actually brings us to the next question, which one of you is more likely to remember the little things that you do?

PHIL: Probably Dan.

DAN: Actually I think it depends. [turns to Phil and tilts his head] Phil is likely to remember vaguely what we do, but not the exact details, and when he tells me about it I'm the one who can recall it with the most precision.

INTERVIEWER: So Phil is more likely to bring memories up, but you're more likely to recount it more accurately?

DAN: Yeah, it's like the memories are really, _really_ deep down in my unconscious and while I'm not aware of their existence, when Phil triggers my memory I can relive the entire thing. [Phil nods.]

INTERVIEWER: Wow, that's really cool. You guys are like two pieces of a puzzle! Which match each other, of course. [Dan and Phil smile.] Do you have something like a "theme song" or a song that you think represents the two of you?

DAN: A song as in, a song that describes our relationship?

INTERVIEWER: It can be a song that you think will remind people of the two of you, and not necessarily your relationship.

DAN: Hmm. I usually don't like the idea of having something that represents both me and Phil, because we're two different people with different personalities. We do have a lot in common but you know, the concept of integrating the two of us into one simple, presentable thing, like a theme song, is, I think, inherently removing our individuality as separate people, and I'm not too much of a fan of that. And I don't think there can be any song that precisely describes my and Phil's relationship, seeing that the song isn't originally written about us and so the atmosphere and the mood can never be the same. There might be a song that describes our current relationship, but our past is also important to our identities, so I don't want to condense our roundness as individual human beings, you see what I mean?

INTERVIEWER: Yes, I understand.

PHIL: Attack on Titan's first opening can be our theme song.

DAN: [stares at Phil with an "I-am-so-done" gaze]

[Silence.]

INTERVIEWER: [laughs] Does this happen often?

DAN: [rolls his eyes] You mean me saying profound philosophical crap on life and existentialism and Phil just going "MIKASA!!!!"? Yeah yeah that happens a lot.

PHIL: I do think it represents us, though. [subconsciously raises left index finger] It's an anime opening, which notes our intense interest in anime _;_ it's dramatic, which is the perfect adjective to describe our videos; _and_ , it has both German and Japanese lyrics, which reflects our large scope of subscribers who come from every part of the world!

DAN: And the content of lyrics which is about hunting and killing is totally an evidence of our morbid fascination with satanic ideas, isn't it? [stares]

PHIL: [avoids eye contact and laughs]

INTERVIEWER: Alright, next question! Who takes longer showers?

DAN: Definitely me.

PHIL: Definitely Dan.

INTERVIEWER: [interested]

PHIL: He holds concerts in the shower everyday with the shower as his sole instrument. It's amazing that he hasn't turned into a raisin yet.

DAN: [bites lips and looks down] I… I have no words.

INTERVIEWER: [holds back laughter] So… If the two of you were fighting, who would make up first and how?

PHIL: [shrugs] We generally don't fight.

DAN: Yeah, even if I get pissed off rather easily when it comes to Phil- oh that's a really negative way to put it. You have to understand that it's mostly not as intense as an anger, but just a slight annoyance, and it dies down really fast.

PHIL: _And_ I'm older than Dan, so I'll be a bigger person and not bite back when he gets angry.

DAN: Excuse me? [laughs] If you didn't eat my cereal I wouldn't even get agitated in the first place!

PHIL: But the cereal demands to be eaten, Dan! [puppy eyes]

DAN: [points at Phil and looks at interviewer] See? This is why none of my hostility lasts more than 3 seconds.

INTERVIEWER: [laughs and nods] Yes, yes. I can absolutely see why. So you guys don't fight at all?

PHIL: I don't think so. [turns to Dan] What do you say?

DAN: Well, Phil does piss me off often, mostly because of his clumsiness, but as I've said it's just a slight annoyance and dies down very quickly, so no, I wouldn't say we fight. Besides, I have my reason to be angry to him. It'll be his loss if he tries to retaliate. [smirks at Phil]

PHIL: [sad cat face]

INTERVIEWER: [smiles knowingly and closes laptop] And that is the end of our question list. From what you've told me I can tell you two are really great roommates! Keep up doing what you're doing. Now, I'll bother you no longer and thank you so much for having me today! [stands up]

DAN: It was nice talking to you too. [holds out hand] Have a safe ride!

INTERVIEWER: Thank you! [shakes Dan's hand]

PHIL: [gives interviewer their bag] Feel free to contact us for another interview if you want. I really enjoy this one! [holds out hand]

INTERVIEWER: [shakes Phil's hand] Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy it! [follows Dan out the room and down the stairs] Bye guys, hopefully we'll meet again some day!

DAN: [holds door open] Bye!

PHIL: [waves at interviewer] Goodbye!

INTERVIEWER: [exits]

 


End file.
